You’ve got a friend in me: How to help someone with cancer

When someone close to your heart tells you they have cancer, you may be at a loss for words. Even though you want to be there for your friend, it can be difficult to know what to say or how to lend a helping hand.

Some may back away for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing.

While you may be unsure how to approach the situation, your support can make a real difference. Research suggests that cancer survivors with strong emotional support adjust better to changes cancer brings to their lives, have a more positive outlook and often report a better quality of life.  

The most important thing you can do for your friend is listen. Cancer can be lonely and isolating, so reassure your friend that you are here to support them. Use words like “I am here for you,” or “I am thinking of you.”

In addition to being a good listener, you can support your friend in other ways, such as:

1. Offer to run daily errands like visits to the grocery store, post office or laundry mat, or carpooling kids to and from school or activities. You can also offer to take your friend to treatment.
2. Organize a meal chain of friends and family who can help provide dinners or other meals for your friend.
3. Provide books or audio books, crossword puzzles, movies or magazines for your friend while they are resting at home or during chemotherapy.
4. Schedule small get-togethers with your friend in advance. Scheduling time together gives your friend something to look forward to and can help keep their spirits high. Make plans that are easy to change and keep it flexible, so your friend knows it’s okay to cancel. If you are feeling sick, stay home.
5. Create several small care packages throughout treatment that contain a funny mug, soft pajamas or robe, throw blanket, pictures of friends, or fun socks, hats and scarves.
6. Send cards, memes and inspirational quotes of support to remind your friend that you’re thinking of them.

Even if you live far away, you can still support your friend in various ways, such as:

1. Stay in touch. Don’t underestimate the emotional support that comes from regular phone calls, emails or texts. Video calls are another way to show support from afar.
2. Offer to do the research. Look up oncologists, facilities, treatments, clinical trials and available support services and share the information with your friend.
3. Volunteer to be the “point person.” Offer to field phone calls, texts and emails to update your friend’s loved ones on the treatment schedule, etc.
4. Take time to visit. Use vacation time or a holiday weekend to visit your friend. Spend this time doing fun things together.
5. Make thoughtful gestures. Send little gifts that you think your friend will enjoy, such as music CDs, gift cards, entertaining novels, adult coloring books, puzzles, etc.

Remember, be respectful of your friend’s wishes. Make offers and suggestions gently and see how they are received before proceeding. Don’t push if your friend doesn’t always feel like talking or asks you to postpone a visit.

You can also help by reaching out to your friend’s caregiver to make sure they have all the support they need, too.